Let Me Introduce Myself

Something amazing happens when you push yourself further than once ever imaginable. Something magic in feeling pain like none other and finding the strength still move onward. To run toward the finish line in agony and be bathed in glory as you cross.

With the finish of the Half I feel I can safely say I have become a Follow Through Girl. I have conjured an idea and I have seen it to the end. An idea so immense and so shrouded by doubt it would have never materialized in the past.

It started with tying my shoes, heading out the door and putting one foot in front of the other. Taking the long route. Walking in the rain. Looking at myself in complete honesty. Discovering my truth along the way.

Just four months of 33 years has changed me. Today I am strong. Today I am confident. Today I am joyful. Today I am AMAZING. Today I have become a Follow Through Girl.

Finally Following Through!

A lot has happened in the months passing since my last post. I've taken some personal blows. Usually these would send me spinning backward to the idea girl. Bag of white cheddar popcorn in one hand, a little Ben and Jerry's in the other. Sitting around thinking of all the things I'd like to do. All the people I'd like to become more like.

Who I am today so far differs from that girl. I don't even recongize who I see in the mirror each day. But I do like her. She's focused, driven, full of promise. She's worth taking care of.

Tomorrow evening I'm headed North, to the big race! The first half marathon had to be put off due to lack of funds. I stayed on track and just a few weeks delayed I'll be completeing the 2010 Kirland Mother's Day Half Marathon! (And this one's got hills!)

I don't imagine I'll have many more entries. I've found I don't have a lot of time these days. Work, training, sleep, work and train some more but I'll be back Monday to let you all know I survived it!

Day 48: All About Day 47

It's true what they say about taking care of yourself. When you do, good things will happen for you. I started this journey of Becoming a Follow Through Girl with the intention of making change in life. I did not realize the true significance in it. Because I had never embarked on such a journey, I could not grasp the power I held to effect to my own change.

Over the past 48 days I have: grown more confident, become stronger, said goodbye life long hypertension, come to terms with giving up cigarettes, obtained employment and given myself a sense of pride never before felt.

As I move along through these changes I began to question whether my largest goal is large enough. 13.1 miles is not as far away as it seemed in the beginning. The distance has not changed. 13.1 is 13.1. It's the vehicle that has changed.

I waited so long to come forward with my decision because I needed to be certain I was on the right path. I needed the Idea Girl to stop being the one who always wins. The one who gets in my way of completion. I needed to be sure I was doing this for myself and not instant gratification. In finally realizing I was the only one who's opinion mattered in the choices I make for my life, I have inadvertently grown more positive opinions from others.

Yesterday my cousin sat next to me, big smile on his face. "I'm really proud of you and excited for your 1/2 marathon. It's on my 19th birthday and we're all coming to see you finish". My heart filled up immediately. To have someone, like him, realizing what this means to me and being there to offer support was totally unexpected and wonderful. Imagine spending your 19th birthday supporting your 30-something year old cousin. Selfless.

So today I'm going to give it even more than I thought I had. I'm going to push harder knowing in the end I hold more power than I can imagine. Locked doors will not stop me because the key is in my hand. I'll do it for myself, the Follow Through Girl, and I'll do it to inspire him the way he has inspired me.

Day 46: 1.5 Down and a Week to Prepare

Good news: I got a job! One with a lot of potential too. So/so news: I have one week to get myself together before it starts. I have a feeling all this change is going be more difficult with a work schedule. So for the next week I've got to focus on my sleeping patterns. No more staying until or past midnight. No more sleeping until seven. I've got to be more strict with my workouts and try to get them in at the same time each day. Most importantly, I've got to be prepared that at first I'm going to be tired after work and still get myself into the gym.

Some more good news: Lost another 1.5 lbs. Goodbye and so long...never want to see you again.

Worked some more with the free weights today after a mile warm up on the treadmill. Not supposed to walk today (according to my schedule) but I may go back this afternoon. Starting to freak out a bit because my new job requires "tucked in shirt". Ah, the nightmare of chubby girls everywhere!

Day 46

My postings have become less and less. This is one I habit necessary to break. If I'm not posting, I'm not following through 100%.

Spent the last few days in a lot of pain. Tried to accomplish my daily goal yesterday but had to stop after just one mile and was in near tears. Today was much, much better. Got my mileage in along with some strength training.

It is definitely time to amp up the strength training! Got the courage up to make better use of the free weights since the universal gym is sketchy at best. I'm beginning to notice that parts of me that were plump with excess fat are now jiggly. Jiggly = no good. Got to get a handle on that best I can.

Another walk along the river planned for this afternoon. The sun is supposed to come later so I shouldn't come home a drown rat this time.

Day 43

Walked in the pouring rain last night. When I was finished I was drenched through my coat, sweatshirt and t-shirt. Once you're wet you're wet so I decided to keep moving. End result: freezing cold but accomplished goal. Getting easier all the time!

Had a second job interview today with my favorite coffee company. Since I don't want to plug them I'll just say it starts with an "S" and ends in a "arbucks". Went very well. I think I would be a great addition to their team and they a great addition to my life. We'll see by Friday.

Need to get into the gym tonight. Just waiting for...actually I don't know what I'm waiting for. I think my adrenalin to go down a bit. Got so excited about the possible new endeavor it's been like I'm high ever since I left the interview.

I did notice more confidence than ever going into it. No more feeling inadequate because of my weight. I know this body will not be mine forever and frankly so impressed with my improvements I feel like I can conquer anything.

Day 42

I didn't mean to skip day 41. In fact I didn't skip it, just didn't blog about it.

Went to the gym with every intention of making my 5 mile goal. Treadmills can be boring. To fight this boredom I tend to really challenge myself. Agony makes time fly! Yesterday I even ran for, what was for me, extended periods. Apparently my ankles don't think running is a good idea yet. My left ankle seized up. Realizing injury is the fasted way to end this journey, I rounded off the mileage at 3 and come home.

Today I'm going for a walk along a trail that follows the river. It's supposed to be nice and I'm intending on having a do-over of my 5 mile goal. Should be better in the great outdoors. More interesting, less intense. 2.5 one way, 2.5 back.

Day 40: Bike of Death

There's a stationary bike in the gym. Upon first inspection it looks like the "lazy bike". The seat is low and the peddles move nearly directly in front of you. I've seen people use this bike previously and wondered, 'Why bother? Doesn't seem to be doing anything'. Big misconception!

I've renamed this bike the "Bike of Death". It feels like any second it's going to snap your knees in half. Proudly I can say I have made tremendous health improvements. My body and mind are strong, getting stronger each day. But this bike has nearly got me beat. An hour on the treadmill? Two? Nothing in comparison to ten minutes on the "Bike of Death".

Guess I'll have to keep working to slay that beast.

Goal for Tomorrow: It's 5 miles!

Day 39: Seeing the Truth

It's been 6 days since my last post. 6 days since the actions of another threatened to ruin my journey for good. Sounds crazy doesn't it?

I have always been the care taker. Attempting to take care of everyone problems and ignoring my own. I've come to believe the reason for this is not to be generous to others but in actuality to be sure I never have time to face myself.

The point of this journey has not just been to accomplish said goal(s) but to look deep inside myself and work on what causes my lack of follow through, thereby causing my lack of joy. It's time to see the truth. I have no control over others. I can only control my choices. Anything beyond that is pointless. My body, my life, my reactions. The end. Easier said than done.

On an up note: For the first time in my life I do not have hypertension! Still a little high but the doc says once I quit smoking it'll be normal. It's never, ever been close to normal. Amazing! My husband and I got prescriptions to help stop smoking. The down side is that they are so costly I haven't figured out how to pay for them. I've been giving serious thought to things I may be able to sell. Still thinking.

Time to pack it up and head to the gym. My training has been lax at best and I have some making up to do.

Today's Goal: Put the past behind me and move forward.
Tomorrow's Goal: Rinse and repeat.

Day 33

I thought my life had finally come to a place where I could truly focus on me. The reasons for throwing all my energy into others had ceased. A new town, perfect for a new start.

Too confused to sort it all out now. Temptation to throw in the towel ever present. I am broken. My newly found confidence has been tested beyond anything I could anticipate.

But it is not up to anyone else - my happiness that is - it really has nothing to do with anyone or anything but my own body, my own mind and my own spirit. I hope to take the events of the last few days and move them into the box marked "past". To leave them behind and move forward. Someday looking back to say, "I made it through".

Day 32

It took a few days but I finally broke. No exercise yesterday coupled with Taco Bell and ice cream. This morning my legs and fingers are swollen from the crap that went in my body. I really need to find balance between eating well and having some junk here and there.

The problem is that I really don't want the junk. I feel so alive when I eat right and exercise. Something else entirely takes over, quietly whispering at first, screaming before I listen. And this morning I'm paying the price. The good news is that over the past month whenever I give in to this voice my body has a bad reaction which in turn makes it easier for me to quiet the voice the next time.

What am I going to do about it today? Today I'm going to pick up where I left off. Instead of taking a 'rest day' (according to the training schedule) I'm going to do yesterday's 3 miles + strength training. Today I'm going to be sure to eat extra greens and drink extra water to help boost my energy back up and clean this grease and sugar out of my body. Today I am not going to sit around and feel guilty about yesterday. Today is here now, yesterday will not defeat me.

Today's Goal: Onward!

Day 31

Up before six this morning. I didn't want to be but a little voice told me, "Get up. You have a lot to do today". I shouldn't have listened because now I'm up, exhusted and unmotivated. Just needed another 45 minutes or so.

I've been thinking about my doctor's appointment on Monday. Can't wait to see what he has to say about my recent activity. Hoping the blood pressure has lowered enough he doesn't want to talk about medication again. I'm not going to take it. We take too much medication to glaze over the real issues. Some things are within our control but we choose to pretend the symptoms are the diagnosis.

Much prefered going to the gym before New Years. The equimptment is often sticky now from other people's sweat. I know the resolutions are to blame. It's almost been a month though so much of them will drop off soon. Those who don't will have earned the right to leave their sweat on everything. Sticking with an excercise program is easier said than done.

Today's Goal: Get in there, sweat or no sweat.

Day 30: Woopie!

I can hardly believe I made it to day 30! This in itself is worth a celebration!

A lot of exciting things for me today. Had a job interview. I think it went well. Got a hair cut - much needed might I add. Made an appointment with the Dr. on Monday to discuss quitting smoking! I'm on my way!

Because of the busy schedule I decided to put my miles in the evening. Let me just say it's much, much easier in the morning. My energy level is much higher than and the temptation to 'half-ass' it much lower. Good news is I gave it my all and when I felt I wanted to quit, upped the ante. All in all it was a great day!

Tomorrow's Goal: 3 miles and strength training.

Day 29: Goodbye Old Friend

Over the past few weeks I've pretty much given up on red meat. Not because experts say it's not good to consume much of it, not because it tends to be higher in fat and calories but because it makes me sluggish. When training your body to continue on for several miles at a time "sluggish" doesn't work so well. Without even really giving it much thought, red meat has been replaced by beans and chicken and eggs.

Last night however I decided to grill steaks - which, by the way, rivals ice cream on my 'If you could only eat one food for the rest of life' list. Much to my surprise my taste buds weren't as receptive to it as usual. Neither was my body. "Sluggish" has now been replaced by "ball of lead" followed shortly thereafter by "gut wrenching pain". I think it may be a while before I attempt the red meat again.

Today's Goal: 3 miles, per the training schedule.

Day 28

4 weeks behind me now! A lifetime of happiness in front! Today I'm somewhere in between. Not stuck really, more in route.

After making my big announcement I am struggling with old habits. The Idea Girl has spent her whole life coming up with big ideas only to announce them to the world, get a pat on the back for coming up with "such a great idea!" and feeling fulfilled enough with that to drop it. The challenge here is change that behavior and accomplish the big idea. Now that my plan is widely known I have to fight the urge to be temporarily satisfied with the pat on the back.

First step: Become a Follow Through Girl. Second step: Merge the Idea Girl and the Follow Through Girl. Thus creating someone who can bring to life all of these (or at least some of these) great ideas! Imagine just how far I can go!

Week 2 of the 1/2 marathon training begins today. It took me three weeks to prep my body just to begin week one. Honestly I could have used four. This new schedule offers a new a variety of tasks growing more and more challenging every two weeks. Hoping that I continue to grow stronger each day so it doesn't kill me. If it does, please know I died doing something I loved and thank heaven, not from obesity!

Goal for Today: Stretch and Strengthen.

Day 27: Look Ma! No Hands!

Anyone whose been a treadmill in shall we say, "less than perfect" shape knows the challange of substaining control of their body. Something about the movement under your feet throws you off balance just enough to sway you from side to side and lunge you forward and back. It is nearly impossible to stay on that belt without hanging on for dear life. Part of your new routine must include practice keeping your body straight, your legs moving and letting go.

Sundays according the 1/2 marathon training schedule are the distance days. They start at 4 miles gradulely building from there. Being that I live in Washington, a state known for incouporative weather, I did mine on the treadmill. Hands free might I add! It took me nearly a month but finally I have built the strength to use that thing the way it was intended! And let me tell you this, it's a hell of a lot harder without the training wheels!

Goal for Today: Get a good night's sleep baby, tomorrow it begins again!

Day 26: My Secret Revealed!

Wanna know the big secret? I opened up to my friends and family via email just morning. This is what it said:

Dear Family and Friends,

I've been keeping a secret from you. I wanted to be absolutely certain that my intentions were true, my head in the right place and my body was prepared for the challenge before I put it out there. For 26 days I've kept this largely a secret. It's time to let it out and include you in on the biggest thing I've ever done in my life.

Anything is possible. If you believe it, work for it, really, really want it, you can make it happen. I've always believed that - for everyone but myself that is.

A good friend of mine, who has changed her life completely over the past few years, came to visit. She shared with me something she was getting ready to do and I found myself instantly envious! I wanted to participate too - so badly! The excuses started rolling in and almost defeated me. 'You can't do that. You would never do that. You're not that kind of person.' But I wanted to so bad. I just spurted it out "What if I did it too?". She was fine with that. I didn't commit at first, telling her I'd have to make absolute certain I was really up for it. After all, this would be truly the most remarkable thing I've done.

Finally I had enough! 30 + years is far to long to wish you were somebody else entirely. I started to ask myself, "What don't you like? How can you change it?" For the very first time I began to answer all those questions in complete honesty. For the very first time I began real action toward reaching my true potential.

So what's the big secret? 26 days ago I began training mentally and physically to participate in the April 11th Whidbey Island 1/2 Marathon! That's right folks, Jody Vail will be completing 13.1 miles of roadway and a lifetime of long awaited change!

Please understand what this has meant to me. It is about challenging myself to be a better, stronger, healthier me. Someone I can proud of. Someone I can be comfortable with. Someone I actually love. For the very first time in my life I have an idea I am following through with. With each day that passes I become stronger. I have stopped hiding behind excuses and begun to break down my barriers.

As a part of this journey I've begun to blog. Putting it all out there in complete honesty. My triumphs, my failures, confronting my demons. Anything and everything I go through along the way. You can follow this journey at http://gypsyjody.blogspot.com/. And I hope you will! We have a tendency to always be there and get excited about the negative things that happen in each others lives. It's my hope we can all get excited about something positive and I can gain the support of my family and friends.

Today's Goal: Accept this is now my truth.

Day 25: Trading in Sugar for the Sweet Taste of Victory!

I feel strong. Can't believe it's me me following through! The changes I've made in the past 25 days are truly remarkable.

Yesterday's 3 mile walk turned into 4. Done with astounding ease. 25 days ago I couldn't have done that without feeling as those my legs would fall off or that my lungs and heart might burst. Today I feel a sense of pride knowing I have finally taken the initiative to change my body, my mind and my life.

So many diets behind me - all which ultimately lead to failure. So what's the difference today? Today I stop making excuses for not following through. Today I stop lying to myself and hiding the truth of my situation. I am fat. I have been inactive. Until recently, I have done nothing to change the things about me I don't like. Always sitting in the sidelines wishing I were someone else. Someone better, someone stronger, someone more comfortable in my own skin. Today I celebrate being 25 days into becoming all of that.

Today's Goal: Stay out of the rice crispy treats I made for my husband. Nothing will taste better than sweet, sweet, victory!

Day 24: Turning a New Leaf

I've have tried very hard to think of the changes I've been working on as personal growth - not weight. For me it's much, much, deeper than just being overweight. That being said, I do feel it's important to celebrate this little milestone: I LOST 10 POUNDS!!!!!

Whew! That felt good to acknowledge!

Going for a 3 mile walk today with a friend of mine who lives in town but I never see. Should be a good way to catch up. Think I'll let him in on the little secret I've been hiding. The one you'll have to wait for.

Today's Goal: Acknowledge my acheivements thus far.
Tomorrow Goal: Rinse and Repeat.

Day 23

I am on an up swing. I've committed myself to doing something bigger than I could have ever imagined. You'll have to wait a few more days to get in on what that thing is exactly. By the end of the week I'm announcing it to my friends, family and the cyber world. Couldn't have come at a better time either.

Last week tested my ability to Follow Through. All the emotions that have stopped me in the past rearing their ugly heads. This is a new week now. I time to pick myself up and push on. A time to prove to myself that Follow Through,even for me, is possible.

Added weights to my daily routine. More difficult then ever because I haven't done that since my shoulder injury a year and half ago. It took about a year to get to the point that I could move it without pain. Now it's time to stop babying it and start stregthening it. A little at a time, a little at a time.

Goal for Today: Take time to tell myself that all things are possible. And listen!

Day 22

Mission accomplished! Feeling guilty about last week. Trying to stay focused. I cannot change yesterday only make better decisions for this moment on. Off to a good start. Just have to learn to trust in myself and continue to grow into a stronger, healthier, better me.

Today's Goal: Follow Through, Follow Through, Follow Through.

Day 21: Three Weeks So Far!

I went North to spend some time with my Aunt. Just what I needed to not jump ship and add this little project to my stack of unfinished deeds.

I feel renewed! Finally someone to talk to about the food issues I've been having. It's not very common you talk to someone about something like that and get just the respone you need. Not "you've got to get with the program" not "a little never hurts". Just encouragement to continue forward and tips to help get me through. Mind tricks and tricks with food.

Best tip for sugar lovers: Cook some apples on the stove top with cinnamon and a little clove. Cinnamon helps regulate blood sugar and heating up fruits draws out their natural sugar. Stopped me from eating chocolate cake my husband brought home!

So onward it is!

Goal for Tomorrow: 3 miles.

Skipped Day 17, Now it's Day 18

Attitude problem persisting. Having some trouble concentrating on my goals. In fact I've wondered if it's the old me rearing her ugly head. When my husband went through treatment they taught us two weeks is a tough time for addicts. I'd lay money down the same is true for my situation. After all the brain wants what it wants regardless of the body's needs.

I'm going to go run it off. Tired of feeling this way. I need to beat the idea girl back into submission before the follow through girl is lost forever. Be back later with, hopefully, a more positive post.

Day 16

Yesterday I felt triumphant! Today I just feel mad. Not sure why but I'm pissed off supreme.

I got in a little over three miles today. That should make me feel great! Maybe just a bad day. Think I'll turn in early so a new day comes faster!

Oh! and I remember my vitamins.

Day 15 : Taking the Long Route

Day 15! Two weeks into becoming a follow through girl!

There's a corner grocery near my home. If you go one way it's five blocks away, if you choose the other it's a mile. I walk there occasionally to buy ciggarettes - other demon to confront another day. This morning I choose the long route. I came back drenched from the pouring rain and full of accomplishment. Not in walking a mile. If you've read my blog previously you'll know that's at least half the distance I walk each day. But in making the choice to walk the mile instead of the few blocks. The choice to follow through.

Week 3 I've decided to take on a few more daily goals. 1. Take my vitamins. 2. Think of food in terms of fuel. Decide what bennifit it holds for my body instead of 'this makes me skinny, this makes me fat'.

I realized this weekend that if I begin to think of this follow through project as a weightloss project I get discouraged. If the focus is kept instead on feeling stronger, healthier, leaner each day I have already accomplised more than the day before. Bringing me one step closer to releasing the inner me.

Today's Goal: Feel good about my accomplishments thus far.

Days 12,13 & 14

Part of being just an idea girl are the endless excuses in the way of you and your goal. "I can't go to the gym today, I have company". Guess what? Company doesn't have to come first! You can choose yourself for an hour out of your day and devote the rest to them.

Yesterday I made my in-laws wait for me while I finished up on the treadmill. Then again while I finished my streches and cleaned up. Then again before dinner while I took an additional walk to prepare for the extra calories dinner had in store for me. Do you know the consequences? I have more respect for myself. They have more respect for me. And my father-in-law decided to take a walk with me. So take that excuses - you're out the window!

Day 14 and I'm better by leaps and bounds. This is one idea I'm not giving up on!

Goal for today: Get to the gym before the in-laws get here today.